Scared but Prepared
Updated: Nov 20, 2020
As I enter my 4th-year as a social work student, I have started a year-long placement with Nicole at Turner Counselling Services. Recently she asked me how I was feeling as I was getting my thoughts together for my next client. What came out was: scared but prepared. There have been so many times over the past few years that I can tell you I was so scared, it felt like my feet were glued to the floor.
Fear has been a constant companion as I’ve embarked on new journeys. I remember 2 years ago sitting in my living room looking at the application for university wondering if I would even be accepted and questioning if I could stand the rejection. I am a mature student with a handful of previous education that ‘wasn’t what I was looking for’ and here I was… again… attempting to find my way. So many thoughts came into my head: wasn’t I supposed to have had this figured out by now? Can I afford this financially? Do I even have the time for this? What about being there for my teenagers and husband? Will there be enough time for all the roles I play each day? And the most insistent fear cycling around in my head was whether I had what it takes to even try.
Fear was all around me and it felt big and it felt heavy. It had me second-guessing my decisions, doubting my abilities, and had me anxious about all the unknowns. Fear had so many tools in its toolbox and its goal was to dismantle my ability to make a decision and move forward with something new; it really felt so much bigger than me.
In thinking about how I got here - to my last year in university as a mature student and working in a profession I have come to derive a great deal of satisfaction from - I’m acknowledging the brave. Looking back on things, I see times where fear tried to strike out against ‘newness’ and to my surprise bravery stood up to stand beside me, I wasn’t alone. Where fear was tearing things down, brave reminded me of all the things I have done in my life to help me prepare for this moment. Where fear says ‘it’s not safe’, brave asks ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’.
I won’t say I sent that application with a heart full of confidence... fear was still there sitting with me, whispering in my ear. However, I did send it with a little bit of hope; I was scared but I also trusted to some extent that my life and experiences had prepared me for this next journey. These times in my life remind me that bravery isn’t always big, loud and bold. Sometimes it’s quietly holding your hand as you click the ‘Send’ button on that next adventure. In which ways has brave stood with you in the face of fear?